can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
