Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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