we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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