When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
