I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
