my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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