so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
