At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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