Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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