Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
