Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
