I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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