Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize