This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
