I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
