put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he just fucked me for my cheese.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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