Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
