I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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