Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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