Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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