We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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