u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
