Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
