Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize