u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
