I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
