I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
