I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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