i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
