I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
