Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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