Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
smell my finger.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
