Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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