Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
