ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize