Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
