We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
