So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
