i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
