I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
