Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
