So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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