She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
They have beer where we have blood.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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