wanna go halves on a baby?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
