Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
