Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
