his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize