How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
