i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
