census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
