she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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