He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
