Where is the hickey?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
