Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
