I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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