Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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