i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
