According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she looked like the before picture.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
