I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
