put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
