So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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