covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
