Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
