wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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