I need to stop coming to work sober
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
