I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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