dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
