my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
