2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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