getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
