It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
