Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
