my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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