This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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