I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
