I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
