return my video game
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
