You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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