Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
