are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
