dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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