after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
