She is in my trunk
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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