Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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