it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
