I cannot find my penis.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
