The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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