i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
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