He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
