the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
