You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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