Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
