im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
