When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
