the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
