I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
